What Matters Now
by evergloweyes
Summary: A night of baby sitting Jamie turns into a night of confessions for Brooke and Lucas as they both try and figure out what truly matters now. BL. Two-Part Story.
1. Part I

**Author's Note: I've had this laying around on my computer for a while and never posted it – mainly because I don't particularly like it. I loved the idea when it came to me, but I was never able to write it the way I wanted to. This will be a two-part story and the second part should be up within the next few days.**

&

Lucas chuckled loudly as he watched his nephew, Jamie, slam-dunk his rubber basketball into the four foot basketball hoop by the pool at Nathan and Haley's house. Jamie jumped up and down excitedly as he waved his hands in the air.

"Uncle Luke, Uncle Luke! Did you see that? I'm better than you and daddy!" Lucas smiled again as he reached down and hoisted Jamie over his left shoulder.

"Of course I saw that Jimmy-Jam! You're going to be the best basketball player Tree Hill has ever seen." Jamie laughed as his uncle spun him in circles. Their playtime was interrupted when Haley came out of the house, dressed in a knee length floral print dress and high heels.

"Jamie, sweetie, why don't you go inside and watch some television while I talk to Uncle Lucas?" Haley patted her son on the head as he replied with an "Okay momma" and ran quickly to the glass doors leading to the Scott kitchen and bounced his way into the living room.

"Luke, are you sure you're up for babysitting Jamie tonight?" Haley asked; concern laced into her voice.

"Of course I am, Hales. I'm just glad I can baby-sit while you and Nathan go out to dinner and work out your relationship. Stay out as long as you need to – Jamie and I will be fine" Lucas reassured her.

"But the wedding was just a few-" Haley was interrupted by Lucas before she could say anymore.

"I'm not fragile Haley. Lindsey and I are over and I accept that. It's not going to interfere with my babysitting skills. If anything, it'll help me get my mind off of Lindsey."

"If you say so. Just in case I invited Brooke over to help. She actually wants to cook the two of you dinner." Haley laughed. Lucas smiled; shocked that Brooke would even want to attempt to cook.

"So um, have you talked to Peyton?" Haley didn't want to pry but ever since Lindsey had walked out on Lucas at the wedding Haley had just assumed that Lucas would finally go back to Peyton.

"Nope." Lucas said quietly. The truth was he hadn't wanted to talk to Peyton since the wedding. Before he could even think about being with her again, he needed to straighten out his own life.

"Figures," Haley mumbled, "I mean, god, two amazing, gorgeous, intelligent, successful girls have broken up with you in the past five years so you could be with Peyton. I don't understand why you just can't work it out!"

Lucas seemed to stumble backwards at Haley's rant. "Haley, wait, two girls? Are you talking about Brooke?"

"Of course I'm talking about Brooke, I mean-" Haley was cut off by the sound the glass doors opening, as Nathan and Brooke stepped out into the backyard. Brooke and Nathan had arrived at the same time and had come looking for Lucas and Haley; Nathan so he could take Haley out to dinner and Brooke so she and Lucas could start babysitting Jamie.

"You ready Haley?" Nathan asked timidly. It was obvious he was nervous about going on a date with his partially estranged wife.

"Of course I am." Haley smiled as she followed Nathan. "Have fun you two and take good care of Jamie!"

Brooke smiled as she watched Nathan and Haley walk towards the car together. She really hoped that the two could work everything out; they were meant to be, everyone knew that. Those two gave Brooke hope in love, hope that it existed and lasted forever.

Brooke turned to Lucas and smiled. "Ready for some quality time with our favorite godson?" Lucas returned Brooke's smile and followed her into the house, still wondering about Haley's comment from before. Lucas always thought that Brooke had broken up with him because she fell out of love with him; he believed her when she said it wasn't about the kiss with Peyton. _So why had Haley said that?_

&

An hour and a half later Brooke, Jamie and Lucas were spread out on the living room floor, putting together a puzzle on the coffee table. They had already played more basketball, tried out Rock Band on Playstation and played with Tonka Trucks. Brooke and Lucas had made small talk with each other but were mostly just trying to entertain Jamie. It was clear to the two that he had a short attention span.

"Auntie Brooke – I'm hungry. Momma said you were gonna make us dinner!" Jamie stated, standing up from the floor and plopping himself down on the couch.

"Of course I'm making you dinner. I'll go start that right now. Luke, can you get Jamie washed up before dinner? It should have it done in half an hour."

Lucas nodded and grabbed Jamie's hand, bringing him upstairs to get his hands washed. A few minutes later, Lucas came downstairs without Jamie. He wanted some alone time with Brooke to confront her about what Haley said. He convinced Jamie to draw Brooke a picture while he went to talk to her. As Lucas descended the stairs and made his way into the kitchen, he saw Brooke had her back to him. She was dumping a box of pasta into a pot of boiling water and was adding bits of garlic and salt to the spaghetti sauce she was making.

Lucas walked around her and sat on one of the barstools at the island in the middle. "So, Miss Davis, when and where did you learn to cook?" he teased.

Brooke turned to him, smiling brightly, her dimples showing and retorted, "In New York. Living alone I kind of had to learn to fend for myself, cooking included."

"Are you telling me Brooke Davis didn't have a boyfriend to cook her dinners when he wasn't splurging on fancy five star restaurants?" Immediately after the statement left his mouth, he felt guilty as she sighed and the smile on her face seemed to dim.

"I haven't had a serious boyfriend since we broke up." The statement was simple and hushed, but it shocked him. He wondered how Brooke hadn't found anyone to love after she and Chase broke up.

"Well, I'm proud of you and it smells wonderful," Lucas managed to stutter out. Brooke smiled again as she went back to work, stirring the pasta and the sauce. The sounds of water boiling filled the room as the two fell into a comfortable silence. Lucas, however, broke it.

"Can I ask you something, Brooke?"

"Of course. Can you help me set the table, though?"

"Actually it's kind of important. I'd kind of like your attention." Brooke immediately stopped her actions; she had been pouring milk into a glass for Jamie to have with dinner. She moved to the other side of the island, sitting on the stool next to him.

"What's wrong?"

"What was the real reason you broke up with me?" Brooke's mouth dropped open at his question, amazed that he was bringing this up now, after Lindsey had refused to marry him and he was still getting over her.

"Why does that matter?" her voice was dry and cracked when she spoke, finding it hard to avoid the real question, "It happened five years ago." Instead of really answering it, she stood up, and walked back to the stove, turning off the burners.

"It matters because I need to know. It matters because we're friends. Why are you running away from the question? Why do you always run away?" Lucas was surprised as how harsh and forceful he was being. He hadn't expected to get angry if Brooke didn't answering his question. As soon as the last question left his mouth, Brooke spun around, fire burning through her eyes.

"First of all, we are barely friends! We haven't truly talked in the longest time! How many times did you call me while I was in New York? After that night you kissed me we didn't talk for almost eight months! Second of all, I do not run away." She finished her rant, breathing heavily, her hands shaking as they moved to tuck pieces of her chocolate hair behind her ears. Lucas was stunned that she even brought up the kiss. After that night it was an even that had gone unspoken between the two. Neither ever brought it up and neither ever talked about it with anyone else. It was their secret.

"Don't run away? Don't run away? Are you kidding me? You're running away from my question and you ran away from me in high school! You even ran away from me in New York when I kissed you. You're scared and you always run!"

Brooke sighed and stared at the ground. She could feel his blue eyes on her, watching her every move. "I'm not having this discussion right now, or ever if I can help it."

"Just answer one question for me" he began and watched as she nodded her head, "did you break up with me because you truly stopped missing me or because of Peyton?" Before she had a chance to answer, Jamie came running into the kitchen, waving a piece of paper over his blonde head.

"Auntie Brooke! Auntie Brooke! Look what I drew for you!" He squealed excitedly. Brooke bent down next to him and took the piece of paper from the young boy's hands. She stared at it and saw three figures, a small boy in the middle, holding the hands of a brunette woman and a blonde man outside by a tree. "It's me, you and uncle Luke" Jamie stated proudly. Brooke smiled as she traced her fingers over the crayon drawing. "It's perfect, Jamie" she whispered as she looked up at Lucas, who was watching the two intently.

"Yah, Jamie, it's really nice" Lucas piped in. Brooke nodded and told Jamie and Lucas to go sit down for dinner.

Throughout dinner the silence seemed to overwhelm the room. Brooke wasn't talking to Lucas, nor was she even looking at him. Halfway through dinner Jamie finally said something. "Auntie Brooke, are you mad at uncle Lucas?" Jamie's eyes shined at Brooke as he swirled spaghetti around his fork.

"No, of course not. What makes you think that?" She was embarrassed. If a four year old could tell that she and Lucas were having problems that anyone would be able to sense the tension between the two.

"You aren't talking. Mommy doesn't talk to daddy at dinner when she's mad at him."

"Jamie, Aunt Brooke and I are just having some grown up problems. Nothing you need to worry about, Champ," Lucas said as soon as he realized that Brooke was not going to answer.

&

Once Jamie had finished his dinner Brooke volunteered to bring him upstairs, give him a bath and get him ready for bed. Lucas stayed downstairs, cleared the table and washed the dishes before putting them back into the cabinets. He finally made his way upstairs, making the decision to help Brooke put Jamie to bed. He walked through the hallway to find her standing in the doorway of Jamie's room. The lights were out in his room and Brooke was watching a peacefully sleeping Jamie. Lucas noticed a small smile on her face as she watched him sleep.

She felt his eyes on her as he walked up behind her and stuck his head over her shoulder to check on their godson. "He's precious, isn't he?"

"You ready to talk?" He quickly changed the subject. He wanted to talk to her, needed to. He needed to know if what Haley said was true. To him it didn't matter that it happened five years prior, it was a major moment in his life that he never truly understood.

"You're not going to give up, are you?"

"Never."

She sighed dejectedly and closed Jamie's door with one hand, grabbing Lucas' hand loosely with the other and pulled him downstairs and into the living room. Lucas watched as Brooke sat tentatively down on one end of the couch while he sat at the other. She was doing it again, putting up walls between them, by sitting so far away from him.

"Are you going to answer my question?"

"I don't see why it's necessary" she began, a harsh tone taking over her normally sensual voice, "but I guess you're not going to leave me alone until I do". She looked up and Lucas nodded, so she decided to continue. "I just can't believe she never told you. I figured she would have while you two were together. I broke up with you because of something Peyton said, but not because of the kiss in the library. The night before Haley and Nathan's vow renewal she told me that she was still in love with you. As soon as the words came out of her mouth, I just freaked out. Every insecurity that I had ever felt about our relationship came back and I knew that once you found out you'd go right back to her. I was protecting myself from getting my heart broken again".

"So you broke mine instead?" Lucas yelled at the girl sitting across from him.

"Luke, shut up, Jamie's sleeping."

"Why didn't you just come talk to me? I wasn't in love with Peyton back then!" Brooke winced at the sound of his voice. He sounded angry and tormented.

"Yes you were. You always have been in love with her. So I pushed you away, and you know what, you proved to me that it was her you really loved. You let me push you away and you ran to her without a second thought about me. You let me run out that door and only said _I'm sorry_. You let me walk out! You didn't fight for me. You never fought for me." By the end of her small speech, her voice was shaking and when she looked up and made eye contact with him, Lucas could see the tears in her eyes, threatening to make their way down her porcelain cheeks at any second.

"God, Brooke. If I had known that was the reason you broke up with me I would have fought for you. I would have chased you out that door and kissed you and brought you back into my room and made love to you until you believed that it was you that I wanted, not Peyton. Why didn't you just tell me? Things could have been so different for us – we could have ended up like Nathan and Haley –" he was cut off by a short laugh from Brooke.

"Don't you see, Lucas? We are Nathan and Haley. In a way, I guess, you're my Haley. You changed me into a better person, just like she did for Nathan. I was a slutty, drunk cheerleader before you came around. You were the first boy that I loved Lucas and the only boy I will ever love. I told you that! I told you that I would always love you! But you didn't love me back, you don't love me back" her voice trailed off.

This time the tears began to fall; slowly, as if they were taunting Lucas. He didn't expect the conversation to get this emotional. He also didn't expect to feel his heart clench when he saw her crying. He scooted closer to her on the couch and attempted to take the crying woman into his arms, but she pushed him away and instead stood up next to the coffee table. Lucas followed her actions and stood up as well.

"Why didn't you tell me this? We were friends."

"We were never friends!" She shot back. This time her tears were angry tears. Her face was getting flushed from arguing and crying. "We haven't been friends since high school! Even then we were barely friends. We've seen each other maybe two times since that night in New York."

It was quiet for a few minutes. He didn't know what to say. In a way she was right, they had never really been friends, but not because he didn't want to be. There had just always been more than platonic feelings for the brunette, so it made it difficult to be her friend. They couldn't trust themselves around each other, so they both found it easier to just stay away. "Why didn't you stay?"

"In New York?"

"Yeah. I asked you to stay and then I kissed you and you left and-"

"Of course I left! You were heart broken and drunk and thought you wanted me, but I knew better! You wanted Peyton and whenever you can't have her you come running to me."

"I wanted you that night. I wanted you, not Peyton. I don't care whether or not I was drunk. I knew what I wanted and I knew what I was doing when I kissed you."

Brooke was silent for a few minutes, tears streaming down her face, trying to figure out something to say. _What do you say to that?_ She couldn't tell if he was telling the truth. She knew deep down he wanted her that night in New York, but she thought he wanted to sleep with her, not be with her.

"It doesn't matter what you wanted back then, Luke. What matters is what you want now and that's Peyton." It was a quite statement, not sad, more matter of fact. He was shocked that she was treating the situation like this, like they never mattered. But, then again, it was probably his fault that she felt like that. Looking back, he knew that he let her push him away and that when she did push him, he never fought for her – he went running to Peyton instead.

At that moment the front door opened and Nathan and Haley walked in, smiling and holding hands. Brooke immediately wiped the remaining tears off of her face, not wanting Haley to notice and worry about her. Lucas sighed and ran his hand through his hair before telling Haley and Nathan that Jamie was peacefully sleeping upstairs. The two smiled and thanked both Brooke and Lucas; Brooke nodding numbly, dying to leave the room. She snatched her jacket from the coat hangers by the front door and left quickly, fleeing to her car. She was already half way down the road by the time Lucas made the decision to go after her.


	2. Part II

Author's Note: Here is the final part

**Author's Note: Here is the final part. Please review and let me know what you think. Flashbacks are in italics. Also, just so everyone knows this story kind of ignores the 'comet' book that Lucas wrote – I'm basically pretending that he didn't write it because I really don't see a way that I can get around it. The end is also a bit cheesy and is fluffy, but I think they both deserve that. I'm going to be writing some more one-shots soon; I have a few ideas floating around in my head that I'm going to try and get typed up within the next few days.**

&

Brooke sighed as she flipped her cell phone shut. There were another three missed calls from Lucas and three voicemails from him to accompany them. He had been calling her three times a day since the night they baby-sat Jamie last week. She refused to answer his calls after their fight. Especially since he now knew why she had broken up with him in the first place. It was a topic she had planned on avoiding with him at all costs because she knew that it would just make things awkward.

She threw her body down on the couch, snuggling underneath a black chenille blanket that she had bought for her new house. She was only wearing a white camisole and low hip slung destroyed jeans, but she was too lazy to go upstairs and find something warmer to wear.

Brooke's eyes fell to the window and gazed out into the stormy night outside. She hated when it rained in Tree Hill. It reminded her of Lucas, how when it rained she used to find solace in his arms after she drove to his house at all hours of the night. It also reminded her of the night they had their fight in the rain about Peyton.

"_The truth is, I care about Peyton"_

"_Then what is the difference?"_

"_The difference? The difference is I love you, Brooke. I want to be with you, not Peyton"_

"_But why, I need to know why"_

"_Because you kink your eyebrow when you're trying to be cute, because you quote Camus even though I've never actually seen you read and because you miss your parents, but you'll never ever admit that and because I've given exactly two of these embarrassing speeches in my entire life and they've both been with you. I mean, that's gotta mean something, right? And because we're both gonna get pneumonia, but if you need to hear why I love you, I can go on all night."_

She was jerked out of her thoughts when she saw a pair of headlights pulling up her driveway and as she looked closer she recognized that the car outside belonged to Lucas.

&

Lucas bolted from his car and made a mad dash to Brooke's front door. It was ironic, he thought, that the door to her new house was red, just like her house in high school, just like he had painted the door to his room. As he stood on the front stops and rang the doorbell he prayed that she would answer. He had been calling her obsessively for a week. He needed to talk to her and continue the conversation they had before Nathan and Haley came home.

_&_

_Lucas sighed as he shut his phone closed after leaving another voicemail for Brooke. She hadn't answered any of his calls and it had been four days since their confrontation at Nathan and Haley's._

"_Dude, what did you do to Brooke that has caused her to not answer your phone calls? I mean when Haley and I walked into that room there was some tension going on between you two. Haley swears she saw Brooke crying." Nathan stated, looking as his older brother as the two sat on the picnic table by the River Court._

"_I asked her why she broke up with me in senior year. Once she told me that it was because of Peyton, I accused her of always running away from me and she spat back some stuff about how I was in love with Peyton and would always go back to her, then you two came home."_

"_You didn't throw the night in New York back at her did you?"_

_Lucas was shocked. He didn't know that Nathan knew about that night. He never told anyone. "How do you know what happened in New York?"_

"_Brooke told me, man. You underestimate how close she and I are. She called me the next day sobbing, telling me that you two pretended to be engaged and that you kissed her. She was a complete mess," Nathan continued, feeling a bit bad that he was telling Lucas all these things about Brooke, but Lucas needed to know how badly he had hurt Brooke._

"_Haley was the one who let it slip that Brooke dumped me because of Peyton. Did you know that too?"_

_Nathan nodded in response as he spun a basketball around on his finger. "Why didn't you tell me? Damn it, Nathan. Did everyone know but me?" Lucas was angry, he could tell. Nathan nodded again, because the truth was, everyone did know Brooke broke up with Lucas because of Peyton. Hell, Peyton knew. As did Mouth, Skills, Bevin and Rachel. _

"_Honestly, Luke, because you didn't deserve to know. You know I got your back man, but you broke that girl. Brooke loved you and gave you everything she had, but you didn't even pay attention to her. You spent most of your time with Peyton and it killed Brooke. She pushed you away because she knew she was going to get her heart broken again. She deserves so much better than you, but that's not what she wants."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_I shouldn't be telling you this."_

"_Nate, come on, just tell me. I need to know. I have to fix things with her. She said we were never really friends" Lucas urged his brother._

"_All right. Brooke loves you – always has, always will. She gave you up because she was being selfless and she wanted Peyton to be happy and she thought that was what you wanted. Nonetheless, she still loves you, but more than anything she wants you to be happy, even if that's without her."_

"_I don't want to be without her though," Lucas breathed._

_  
"Do you love her?" Nathan questioned. It was at this moment that Lucas realized that he overlooked the friendship his brother had with Brooke. Nathan clearly knew Brooke better than he did and that killed him. He wanted to know Brooke. He wanted her in his life._

"_I honestly don't know, but I can't imagine my life without her in it," Lucas answered._

"_Then you need to tell her that and soon. I know she's hurting right now."_

_&_

Brooke opened the door for Lucas after he rang the doorbell a few times. She figured she had to talk to him at some point or else he'd just keep calling her. Lucas's head shot up as he heard the door open. He smiled slightly at her and made his way inside the house, stopping in front of the stairs.

"Why are you here?" her voice was cold and annoyed. She was still mad.

"I had to come. You wouldn't answer my calls. I didn't know what else to do. I needed to talk to you" his voice was shaking as he answered her question. He noticed that as he spoke she wrapped the blanket she had around her shoulders closer to her. He wanted to believe it was because she was cold, but deep down he knew it was almost a way of Brooke protecting herself from him.

"So talk" she spat out. Lucas sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. It was now or never, he guessed.

"You said it didn't matter – the reason why we broke up – you said it didn't matter now, but it does. It has always mattered and it will always matter to me. Things could have been so different, Brooke! It still matters because things can still be different."

"How?"

"I can't imagine my life without you in it. I need you in my life, I don't need Peyton in my life."

Brooke had expected him to give some big speech, but she hadn't expected this. She didn't expect him to tell her that he needed her; she also hadn't expected the room to feel like it was spinning when he said it, nor had she expected her knees to almost buckle underneath her. She had been waiting for him to say that he needed her for years and here it finally was.

"_I'm not pushing you away, Lucas, I am holding on for dear life, but I need you to need me back."_

"So, what are you saying? Are you saying that you love me?" Her voice seemed to rise with each syllable that left her mouth. He hadn't expected her to get angry with him.

"That's exactly what I'm saying. I love you, Brooke Penelope Davis. I always have. You told me once that you would always love me, so I know you love me too."

"Who the hell do you think you are? Do you really think that you can just bombard my house in the middle of the night and tell me you love me? After all this time? We haven't been together in over five years!" Brooke's eyes were clouded with anger. Their normal shade of hazel seemed to be much darker. By then she had thrown the blanket covering her body off of her and was pacing around. "You can't just do this Lucas, it's not fair to me! I've been trying to get over you for years, for gods sake your first book was entirely about Peyton! Our relationship was barely even mentioned. You clearly didn't value what we had at all, so why do you think you can just pull this now? You can't just come here and tell me you love me!" She was screaming and it killed him. It killed him to see the pain in her eyes; he had always been the one to hurt her. Sure, she had hurt him when she slept with Chris Keller, but that pain seemed nonexistent compared to what she was voicing right now.

"Please, just listen to me. I'm in love with you. I need you, Brooke, and I know you need me too. Just be with me again." By the end of the sentence Lucas had inched his way towards her and was close enough to feel the sudden change in her breathing; it was getting deeper, faster.

"Lucas, don't do this," she breathed out as one of her hands pushed against his chest, trying to push him away from her. "Don't do this to me, I can't. Peyton loves you, you love her, I won't be that girl again for you."

Lucas bent down a bit and placed his mouth next to her ear before saying, "I already talked to Peyton today. I told her that I wasn't in love with her. I told her I wanted you and only you for the rest of my life. She's angry and upset but she'll get over it – I want you." Brooke looked up into his eyes and saw them shining, just like they did when he looked at her in high school. Suddenly his hands were on her hips, pulling her closer towards him as his lips attacked hers. She was still for a moment before responding to the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck and allowing his tongue entrance into her mouth.

The kiss lasted all of about ten seconds before something inside of her snapped and she shoved him away with a muffled, "I can't" leaving her lips.

"But I- " he began and was cut off.

"I mean, I can't do this without knowing why. I need to know why. Why me? Why not Peyton?" Lucas smirked and realized he was finally getting Brooke to bring down her walls. This question was the exact same he had answered back in senior year.

"Because you're Jamie's best friend and you're going to be an amazing mother someday, because you've achieved everything you've ever dreamed of and still want more, because you put others before yourself and love your friends unconditionally and because you challenge me, Brooke. You make me want to be a better person and I cannot imagine another moment in my life without you in it."

And there it was. Everything was finally out on the table between the two, but Brooke was silent, unusually silent. He hadn't expected her to not say anything after that speech. She stood there just looking at him, breathing slowly in and out, in and out. He moved closer to her, trying to gauge her reaction, but there was none.

"Brooke? Are you okay? Are you going to say-" with that she had launched herself into his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck, her lips crashing down onto his. He backed them both up to the wall next to the staircase, her back slamming into the wall as his mouth explored hers. His hands were on her hips, on her back, in her hair, trying to make up for five years of being apart. His lips moved to her neck, kissing, sucking and teasing her and in between moans Brooke managed to get out, "I love you…I've always loved you…I'm yours."

A few hours later, Brooke was snuggled into Lucas's arms on her bed. Her head rested on his chest as she listened to his heartbeat. "Luke? Are you awake?"

"Of course. What is it?" He sat up a bit as Brooke pushed herself up, covering herself with a blanket.

"I just wanted to let you know that you're the only thing that has ever truly mattered to me and that I love you," she smiled timidly as the statement left her lips. Lucas lifted his right hand and brushed a piece of stray hair out of her face before cupping her cheek in his hand.

"You're the only thing that matters to me. I love you too and I promise that I will love you forever," he said before he sealed the promise with a soft kiss to her lips. It was in this moment together that Brooke and Lucas realized that the only thing that had ever mattered and the only thing that would ever matter to them was being together.


End file.
